


Saving you saves me

by RivanWarrioress



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-06
Updated: 2012-12-05
Packaged: 2017-11-20 10:44:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RivanWarrioress/pseuds/RivanWarrioress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very concerned Willow goes looking for a recently resouled Spike after she notices that he goes missing. Set early season seven, but is very AU. Rating is just in case</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**A.N. This takes place after Spike has regained his soul, and after Willow tried to end the world.**

Willow slowly walked through the graveyard, her right hand tightly gripping a stake, and her left hand holding a cross. Her backpack was slung to her shoulders as she cautiously glanced around. Buffy would kill her if she knew what Willow was doing. It had been hard enough for Willow to get a night to herself, saying that she was returning to her parent's house for the weekend to allow Buffy and Dawn to have a sister's only weekend. It had taken all of Willow's persuasive skills, and excessive use of her 'resolve look' to get Buffy to finally cave into Willow's request. Now, Willow was alone in a graveyard, using the bright moonlight to see by, and praying under her breath to the Goddess that there were no vampires out that night.

Well, that wasn't true; she was looking for a vampire, but only one particular vampire, that Willow had not seen in quite a while. She had seen Spike since his return from Africa, and had seen the devastating affect his shiny, brand new soul was having on the master vampire. She'd instantly felt sorry for him, but Buffy had brushed past the shadow that was Spike, ignoring him and ordering Willow to follow her. Willow didn't understand why she followed Buffy that night, why she had ignored the vampire that was so desperately in need, but she had, assuming that she would see him at the next Scooby meeting they had. When he didn't turn up, and nothing was mentioned about his absence, Willow began to worry. That had been a week and a half ago, and Willow was beginning to panic. She'd asked Buffy if she had seen any sign of the blonde vampire, but Buffy had shaken her head, and had told Willow to chill, the bleached blonde pain in the ass would be able to look after himself. Unconvinced, Willow had arranged the weekend by herself, and now, certain that Buffy had already done her patrol for the night, had set out, searching for Spike. The most logical place for Willow to look was Willie's, so she walked to the demon bar. She was shocked by the amount of fear her arrival at the bar generated from the demons that frequented the seedy bar. She strode purposefully across the room to the bar and sat in a stool, ignoring the curious, and slightly nervous, looks that were being directed her way.

"What can I do you for, Red?" Willy had asked.

"Just information tonight, thanks." Willow had replied, keeping her voice pleasant, but at the same time hard. She wanted to seem polite, but still dangerous.

"Yeah, information about what? You and your slayer friends always seem on top of things."

"Well, we aren't on top of this" Willow said, though in her mind she couldn't help but add 'though I wish I was on top of him. Bad willow, BAD WILLOW'

"And what is this thing that you aren't on top of" Willy leant forward, and Willow fought the urge to lean back to get away from the man's stench.

"I'm looking for Spike. Is he still in town, and if he is, where is he?"

"You're looking for Spike?" Willy asked. Willow rolled her eyes, rapidly loosing her patience.

"Yes, Spike. You know, William the Bloody. About this tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin, likes to drink blood, and allergic to Sunlight."

"I haven't seen him in over a week. He came in a couple of times, and got absolutely pissed. Something was really bugging him. Then, he stopped coming. Is he feeding of humans again or something?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because, Red, he hasn't been buying any blood of me, so he's got to be hunting again."

Willow froze. Why would a souled vampire not be buying any blood?

"Is there anywhere else he could be getting blood from?"

"No, He hasn't been visiting the hospitals, because my boys have got them all handled, and I haven't noticed a drop in the stray animal numbers, and there isn't anywhere else he can buy enough blood without looking suspicious, like at a butchers."

"Do you know where he is staying?"

"Someone was keeping his old crypt from being taken over; I guess he'd be staying there."

Willow nodded, scanning Willy's face for any signs that he was lying. She couldn't see any, and she couldn't sense than he had told her lies by reading the aura that he was sending out, so she guessed he would be telling her the truth.

"If I find out you are lying to me, you will be very sorry, I'm very powerful, you know," she said, just to make sure he knew she was serious. Willy nodded, and Willow tossed a couple of dollar notes onto the bar, before sliding from the stool and stalking out of the bar.

"Oh, and have a bath, you stink" she threw over her shoulder, before letting the door close behind her. She hurried down the sidewalk, clutching the stake once more, as she drew near to the cemetery that Spikes' crypt was in. She kept to the moonlit areas of the cemetery as she drew closer to the crypt, knowing that the shadows were where the vampire's would lurk. She could not sense any vampires being nearby, though, and was silently grateful that she had waited until she knew that Buffy had finished her patrol. Just after Buffy patrolled was the safest time to be out and about in Sunnydale at night.

Willow exhaled in relief as she reached Spike's crypt. She raised her hand, and after throwing a glance over her shoulder, knocked on the door. She stood waiting, listening for the sound of cursing, groans, and staggering footsteps, but they never came. Willow frowned, and knocked again.

"Please be here, Spike," she whispered to herself. She shifted on her feet slightly as the crypt door remained firmly shut. She glanced around again, making sure that the graveyard was deserted, both of the living, and of the undead. She couldn't sense anything, so she returned her focus to the door. She studied the lock, and directed her power towards it. It glowed for a moment, before clicking open. Willow smiled. She had resolved to only use magic in the case of emergency, and she knew that this counted.

Willow turned the handle of the crypt door and pushed the heavy door open, before sliding through the gap, and letting it close behind her. The crypt was dark, with no light penetrating the gloom. Willow pulled a torch from her bag and clicked it on, slowly moving the beam of light across the room. The top level of the crypt was deserted, a thin layer of dust covering the floor. Willow chewed on her lip nervously. The room was messy, with bottles of alcohol littering the floor, and a few splatters of what looked worryingly like blood stained the wall. Willow clambered down the ladder to the lower level, and shone her torch light across the room. She froze when the torch's beam of light crossed over something. She panned the light back over it. Spike was lying on his bed, eyes closed.

"Spike" Willow called, rushing to his side. Even by his standards, Spike looked pale, and Willow shuddered when her fingers gently touched his cheek, feeling how icy cold he was.

"Come on, Spike. Wake up. Please wake up." She begged, touching his blonde hair. Her heart began to pound in her chest. Was Spike gone? Had he somehow retained his body when his unlife had ended? Willow felt her eyes fill with tears, but didn't understand why she was crying. She hadn't even been exceptionally close to the vampire, thought he had comforted her when Oz had left, in his own unique way. He had always seemed to be so observant of her feelings, and when she asked him about it, he had simply stated it was because she was his favourite Scooby. Even when she'd been addicted to magic, he had maintained a steady support of her, even though he had at the time been sleeping with Buffy. With a start, Willow realised what had happened.

"Oh goddess, I'm in love with Spike." She whispered into the darkness of the crypt. She burst into tears, leaning over Spike's motionless body. Willow sobbed. Why did everyone she loves have to die? First Tara, now Spike (although, technically, he was already dead.) Willow leant back, sitting on the edge of Spike's bed, and looking over the vampire. A sudden thought occurred to her. She couldn't go to Giles or Buffy or Xander, they all had shown that, in their opinion, Spike was not worth their time, and that he was better off being dusted, but their was someone who Willow knew might be able to help. Unfortunately, she didn't have his number with her. She looked closely at Spike. Their was no way she was going to leave him alone in his current condition, so he was going to have to go with her back to her house. Willow decided that her bedroom would be the easiest to block the sunlight out of, and her parents weren't due home for another month.

Muttering a spell under her breath to make Spike feel weightless, Willow looped one of harms behind Spike's back and heaved him upright. Somehow, Willow wasn't sure how, but she managed to get them both upright. She glanced at the ladder and cringed.

"You just have to make my life difficult, don't you," she muttered to Spike, who gave no indication he had heard her. Willow sighed, cringing as she felt how much Spike's ribs protruded from his pale skin.

"When did you last eat Spike?" Willow asked him. Spike, once again remained silent. Willow frowned, not used to any form of silence from Spike. She half carried and half dragged Spike across the room, to the bottom of the ladder, before groaning. She quietly muttered another spell, causing Spike to begin to levitate up the ladder. Willow followed closely behind Spike's levitating corpse, and when she reached the top of the ladder, released the spell, catching Spike's body before it hit the ground. Willow them began the long process of getting Spike all the way from his crypt to her house. She couldn't help but thank the Goddess that of the Scoobies, she lived the closest to Spike's crypt. It was still a fair way, but at least she wasn't taking him a far as Giles's house, or the Summers' residence. That would be too much, even after casting the spell to make Spike lighter.

Willow already felt weary by the time she reached the end of her street. She hadn't done magic since, well, since she'd gone bad and tried to kill everyone, and she had obviously gotten out of practice. She felt weak and drained, and Willow knew that she would probably pass out soon.

"Almost there" she groaned, pulling Spike along. Finally, she reached her front door, and was fumbling in her bag for her key in her bag. Spike was slumped on her porch beside her. Willow threw a look down at him as she unlocked and opened her front door, before crouching down beside him and picking him up again.

"Oh, and if this isn't obvious enough, I'm inviting you inside, Spike" she hissed, dragging him across the threshold. She dragged him up the stairs, and carefully lay him down on her bed, before collapsing beside him. Groaning from the effort, Willow took the weightlessness spell off Spike, and immediately felt a little stronger. She looked across at Spike, and slowly reached out a hand, gently touching his pale, cold cheek.

"Come on, Spike, please wake up, snap out of it." Willow whispered. There was no response. Increasingly desperate, Willow gritted her teeth and slapped Spike across his cheeks. She whimpered as he hand stung from the contact, but Spike continued to lay still. Willow burst into tears.

"Please don't hate me for this" she whispered to Spike as she slid off the bed, and went to her desk. She pulled open her top drawer and began to shuffle through it. She found the small business card she had been looking for, and went back to her bed, sitting beside Spike. She picked up the phone from her bedside table and slowly dialled in the number from the card.

"Angel investigations, we help the helpless."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Los Angeles** _

Angel was in his office when he heard the phone go off in the foyer. He leant back in his chair, knowing that Cordelia was on desk duty at that time. They'd already been out and defeated some demons, and now Angel was just doing some paperwork. He glanced at the clock that hung from the wall, and noticed that it was almost twelve thirty. Cordelia stopped manning the phone at twelve thirty exactly, so whoever it was had been lucky to get through. Angel rubbed a hand over his face and turned the page over, before registering the sound of feet running towards his office. He frowned and got up, only to hear someone knocking on his office door. Angel pulled the door open, and surveyed Gunn through the doorway.

"What's wrong?"

"On the phone, Cordy says it's someone from Sunnydale."

Angel didn't need to hear any more. He bolted past Gunn and down the stairs to the foyer, one thought running through his mind.

'Please don't let it be Buffy, please don't let it be Buffy.' As he entered the foyer, his eyes desperately met Cordelia's, and the reassuring look she sent towards him sent waves of relief flowing over him. He walked over to the desk as Cordy told the person on the other of the line that he was there, and said her goodbyes. She handed Angel the phone, and waved, indicating that she was going to bed. Angel nodded, and mouthed 'thanks' at her, before focusing on the phone he was holding.

"Hello?"

"Angel, it's Willow." Angel blinked. Willow sounded really upset. His fears began to escalate again.

"Willow, what's wrong. Are you okay? Is Buffy okay?"

"What, oh, yeah, Buffy's fine. I'm just okay though."

"Buffy told me what happened. I'm really sorry."

"That's alright, Angel. Listen, I need your help with something."

"What?" Angel asked. Willow still sounded upset to him, and he was getting confused.

"When was the last time you saw Spike?"

"Spike? Um, it was a while ago. Why do you ask?"

"Angel, I think he needs help. A while ago he left Sunnydale, because something happened that I don't think he meant to happen. He was gone for a while, but, about a month ago, he came back. Buffy and I saw him, and he looked so weird. He was so quiet. He told us that he'd gotten his soul back."

"WHAT" Angel gasped, sitting down on the edge of the desk, "Spike, as in William the bloody, has a soul?"

"Yes. Angel, it's destroying him. I hadn't seen him since that first night almost a month ago, so I went to Willie's to see if anyone there knew where he was, and if he'd been around. Apparently he hadn't been there for a couple of weeks, and he hadn't been buying blood. Willy told me that he was back in his old crypt, so I went there to check on him. Oh, Angel, he's not moving, or responding. It's like he's dead. He's so pale and cold, even more than he usually is, I'm so worried about him, I don't think he's been feeding at all, he's so skinny." Willow babbled. Angel had frozen up.

"Willow, calm down and take a couple of deep breaths," Angel instructed, regaining his composure, "Where are you?"

"I'm at my parent's house. I managed to get Spike here, but I don't know what to do know."

"Does anyone else know you have him there?"

"No, Buffy and Xander don't care, and I didn't want Dawnie to worry, and Giles is in London at the moment."

"Alright," Angel checked the clock again, "I'll be there in about two or three hours. Try to keep Spike warm, and keep trying to get a response out of him. If you have any, give him some blood, but he should be fine until I get there if you don't have any. I think I know what happened. He'll be okay, Willow." Angel couldn't help but silently add an 'well, at least I hope so' under his breath.

"Okay, thanks Angel. I'll see you soon."

"See you, Willow." Angel hung up, and took an unnecessary breath, before hurrying up to his room to pack a bag.

"Going somewhere?" Gunn asked from the doorway. Angel nodded.

"Spike's in trouble. I'm going to help him. I'll be back tomorrow night or the night after that. Call me if something major comes up."

"Spike, as in your grandchilde Spike? What's wrong with him?"

"Apparently, he recently got a soul, and I think he's having trouble coping."

"Alright, Angel, I'll call you if something comes up." Gunn said, before leaving. Angel stuffed a couple more things in his bag, before taking his bag to the kitchen and putting a handful of blood bags into a fridge bag, and then putting the fridge bag into his bag. He wrote a quick note to the others, and put it onto the desk, before hurrying to his car, and starting the engine, before driving off through the night.

The whole trip, Angel worried about what he was going to find. From what Willow had told him, it seemed that Spike had put himself into a trance, either accidently or on purpose. Angel knew that a vampire could last about a month in a trance before they either woke up and recovered, or they died. What would he do if he lost Spike? Sure, they weren't so close now, but they were still family, and Angel still felt the same obligation towards ensuring Spike's survival than he did the night Dru had brought Spike home the night she had turned him, especially now that Spike had his own soul. Angel shuddered as he remembered how badly he had handled having a soul again. Spike would be taking it so much worse, Angel knew, because Spike was just like that, sensitive, and very aware of his feelings. Even when Spike had been chip less, he'd still been less vicious than other Vampires of his age. Spike also had maintained his capacity to love the whole time he had been a vampire, and had also demonstrated his loyalty in his love, he had been Dru's constant companion for over one hundred years after all.

A sudden thought occurred to Angel. Willow had sounded awfully upset on the phone, especially since the rest of the Scooby gang didn't seem too worried about Spike's disappearance. Could the red haired witch have fallen for the blonde vampire? Angel clenched his hands on the steering wheel. He hoped, for Willow's sake if his suspicions were correct, that Spike would pull through.

BtVS BtVS BtVS BtVS BtVS

Willow put down the phone after calling Angel. Angel was coming; he'd make it all better. She was sure of it. She glanced sideways at Spike once again, reflecting on her conversation with Angel. Angel has suggested giving Spike blood, but she didn't keep any in the house. Neither did any of the other Scoobies, and Willow was not going to leave Spike alone while she went all the way back to Willie's and got some. Willow scowled darkly, until she had a sudden idea, which she acted on. There was plenty of blood for Spike in the house, it was just a bit hard to get to.

Willow ran to the kitchen, and got a small, sharp knife and a piece of plastic sheeting to protect her bedding, before rushing back to her room. She gently raised Spikes head and shoulders, sliding half the plastic beneath him and leaving the rest covering her lap. Screwing up her face, Willow summoned her courage, before she raised the knife and slid it across her wrist. She yelped out loud in pain, but noticed with satisfaction that the wound was deep enough to draw blood. Shifting herself into a more comfortable position, Willow lowered her wrist to Spikes mouth, letting the blood run into his mouth.

"Come on, Spike. Swallow it. Please swallow it." She begged him. She sobbed, and then smiled when she saw Spike swallow some of her blood, the first reaction he had given her of any sort since she had found him in the crypt. Willow ran the fingers of her uninjured hand through Spike's blonde hair soothingly as the vampire weakly drank her bright red blood. Willow blinked as she started to feel dizzy, and dark shadows began to appear at the edge of her vision. Willow shook her head, knowing that she needed to take her arm away from Spike, or she would pass out, but she knew that Spike needed the blood, or she might loose him. Willow clung onto consciousness for another couple of minutes, before she finally drew her wrist away, using some tissues to apply pressure to the wound and stop the bleeding. Spike didn't respond to the sudden loss of contact with Willow's wrist, and Willow bit her lip. She leant against the headboard, watching Spike as she slowly regained her strength. At some point, Willow's eyes drifted closed, and her head lolled to one side as her breathing evened out and she fell asleep.

BtVS BtVS BtVS BtVS BtVS

Angel pulled his car up in Willow's driveway, noticing that, once again, her parent's car was missing. He got out of the car and strode across her front lawn, jumping up onto her front porch and crossing over to the front door. He knocked on the door, before focusing his senses on the inside of the house. He could hear one heartbeat, which he guessed was Willows, and could also sense Spike's presence in the house.

"Come on, Willow, open the door" he muttered quietly, knocking on the door. After standing on the front porch for another five minutes, Angel gave up trying to get in that way. He went around the back of the house, and climbed the tree up to Willow's balcony. He glanced through the window, and his jaw dropped. Spike was lying on Willow's bed, clearly unconscious, and Willow was sitting beside him, sleeping soundly. Hating to disturb the pair, Angel tapped on the window loudly, smiling when Willow stirred out of her slumber. She lifted her head from her shoulder, blinking sleepily and looking around for the source of the noise. When her gaze fell on Angel, she made a squeaking noise, and got up quickly, collapsing onto the floor. Angel immediately sensed that something was wrong.

"Willow!" he called as she staggered to her feet again and shuffled across the room to the window, and unlocking the door.

"Come in Angel," she weakly muttered, and Angel stepped through the doorway, instinctively wrapping a supportive arm around Willow to stop her from falling again.

"Willow, what's wrong with you? Are you okay?" Angel asked, before spotting the bloody tissue wrapped around Willow's wrist, the piece of plastic on the bed, and Spike's limp form. He closed his eyes briefly.

"You didn't do what I think you did, did you?" he asked

"What did you think I did?" Willow replied, still unsteady on her feet. Angel walked her back to the bed, and she sat back down beside Spike.

"You cut your wrist so you could feed Spike." Angel said, and Willow avoided his gaze.

"Well, you said to give him blood if I could, and I didn't have any bags of blood in the house, and I didn't want to leave him. I thought he would die, again, if he didn't get some blood soon, so I thought it was the best thing to do" Willow spoke quickly, and without taking a breath. Angel lay a soothing hand on her shoulder.

"Willow, its okay, just don't do it again. I have blood in my bag that he can have."

"Okay, Angel." Willow spoke softly, before glancing down at Spike again, her fingers gently stroking his head. Angel too focused his attention on the younger vampire. He reached out is hand and touched Spike's Skin, then moved his hand to Spike's shoulder, shaking it lightly.

"Spike, come on, wake up," Angel growled, but the blonde vampire lay still. Angel sighed, realising that his suspicions regarding Spike's condition had been confirmed.

"What's wrong with him?" Willow asked, and Angel could hear the tears behind the words. He rubbed her shoulder reassuringly.

"Sometimes, when a vampire doesn't feed for a while, say, a couple of weeks, they go into a trancelike state, where only a minimum amount of energy is used by the body. It's sort of like being in a coma for a human. A vampire can usually last about another two weeks in this state before they, well, they die. How long they last in the trance depends on how well fed they were before going into the trance." Angel dropped his hands to run along Spike's ribs, and groaned, "From the feel of it, Spike probably hasn't been feeding right since he left Sunnydale."

"Can you help him, fix him, cure him?" Willow asked. Angel blinked

"Well, it would be better if Dru was here, as it's the Sire's blood that is the best cure for a trance, but my blood is the next best thing for Spike. I have to let him feed off me until he shows signs of improvement, or until he wakes up. Then we need to make sure that he feeds more regularly than he would normally, preferably on human blood. He might also need to feed off me a couple more times at various points of his recovery. I think, from what you were saying about him having a soul, which I'm going to have to spend a lot of time talking to him about that as well." Angel turned his head to face Willow.

"Are you going to help me help him?" he asked. Willow nodded without a hesitation.

"Angel, I only realised it when I found him in his crypt earlier tonight, but I think I'm in love with him. I'm not going to loose him like I lost Tara. I'm going to be supporting him the whole way through this, even if no-one else is." Willow told Angel. Angel realised that when she said no-one else, she meant the rest of the Scoobies. Then it clicked in his mind what she had said before that. Willow was in love with Spike.

Angel shook his head when he heard a muffled noise beside him, and realised with a pang that Willow had started crying. He rubbed her shoulder reassuringly, and Willow responded by clinging onto him, burying her head into his shirt, and sobbing into his chest.

"He'll be okay, Willow. I promise he'll pull through. This is Spike we're talking about, he'll bounce back, he always does." Angel reassured her. Willow nodded into his shirt, and when she leant back, she was smiling.

"I love how he always makes me laugh, even if I'm upset about something. Will he still be like that, now that he's all soul-ish?"

Angel shook his head, "I don't know, Willow, I really don't know."


	3. Chapter 3

Angel slowly shifted himself, careful not to disturb Willow, who had fallen asleep (or passed out, he wasn't sure) leaning against his chest. He carefully slid a hand beneath her, lifting her up into his arms, before he got to his feet, gently carrying her around the bed, and laying her down beside Spike. Spotting a blanket folded up on a chair, Angel picked it up and threw it over the pair of them. He was momentarily struck by how peaceful and, well, cute they looked, and Angel could not contain the smirk that crossed his face as he thought of what Spike would do in reaction to hearing that. Deciding that he valued his life (or unlife) too much to endanger it that much, Angel settled himself with chuckling quietly as he retook his seat at Spike's side.

Not wanting to use his true face, Angel picked up the knife Willow had used, slicing it across the skin of his wrist, and, repeating Willow's earlier motion, held it above the blonde vampire's mouth. Angel watched as his blood ran from the deep cut, directly into Spike's mouth. He nodded approvingly as he saw Spike swallow, the younger vampire's instincts kicking in upon tasting the blood on his tongue. Angel leant back in the chair, letting himself relax, and watched as Spike fed from him. A slow smile crossed Angel's face as he remembered the many times in the dim and distant past that Spike had fed from Angel's wrist after being badly injured. A feeling from deep within Angel told him that it would not be the last time he had Spike feeding from him.

BtVS BtVS BtVS BtVS BtVS

Willow groaned as she woke up, nestling her head further into the pillows, and snuggling down under the blankets, She began to stretch out, but then she felt someone else lying in her bed beside her, and she froze, her memories of the previous night coming flooding back. Going to Willie's searching for news of Spike, before going to his crypt and finding him sprawled out on his bed, unconscious. She remembered carrying him back to her house (she still wasn't quite sure how she managed that), and calling Angel. She remembered cutting her wrist to feed Spike, and then Angel coming and telling her that Spike's trancelike state was a result of him not feeding.

Willow's eyes snapped open when she realised she didn't remember going to bed. Her eyes scanned the room. Spike lying on the bed beside her, and Angel was sitting beside him, his wrist sitting over Spike's mouth. Willow watched, not sitting up, as Spike swallowed the blood that Willow knew was running from the wound on Angel's wrist. The slight movements of Spike's jaw and throat the only movements he made. Willow shifted her head slightly, looking up at Angel.

"Is Spike any better?" she asked. Angel looked at her, and green eyes met brown.

"He's the same, but then, it hasn't been very long, only a couple of hours. I think it'll be a little later when Spike wakes up, possibly an hour or so after sunrise." Angel said. Willow glanced at her watch before sitting up, stretching. Angel smiled

"Did you have a good sleep?" he asked. Willow paused before replying.

"Yes, actually. Thanks' for putting that Blanket over us."

"Well, I though it wouldn't do for you to get sick while you're trying to help Spike, would it? Besides, Buffy would be really angry if I let her best friend get sick."

Willow froze when Angel mentioned Buffy's name.

"Oh my God, Angel, we should tell her you're in town. She'll be furious if she finds out some other way than from us that you and Spike are staying here. You are staying right?"

"Yes, Willow, I'm staying here, if that's all right with you anyway."

"Its fine, I can cover the window in my parent's room, and the windows in the living room and the kitchen, so you can go in there and get your blood."

"Thank-you Willow. I don't know how long I will be staying for. At first I thought a day, or maybe two, but it all depends on how well Spike is coping with everything. After everything that happened to him over the years, this could be the thing that pushes him over the edge, and I might have to take him back to LA with me so I can watch him."

"You think he'll be that bad?" Willow asked, her voice trembling. Angel met her eyes again, and the vampire cursed under his non existent breath. Not even three hours ago, Willow had told him that she was in love with Spike, and now he goes and tells her that he might have been driven insane. Good one.

"The chances are very slim." Angel told her, "but they are still there. He will recover and adapt better if ones he knows and has a connection to are around him, and reassure him."

"I should really call Buffy then, later on, when she'll be awake, of course."

"I didn't really mean Buffy, Willow. I meant, well, you."

"Me, what about me? I know that I love him, but I know that he doesn't think about me in that way. He loves Buffy." t know how long i I don'the kitchen, so you can go in there and get bloodise." running from the wound on Angel'

Angel shook his head, dropping the subject. Willow slid out of the bed, and sat down at Spike's side once again, beside Angel. They sat in silence for a few minutes, until Angel broke the silence.

"I didn't really mean love, when I said connection, Willow," he explained, "what I meant was, well, you knew him well enough to notice that he wasn't quite right when you saw him that first time after he came back, you were worried enough to go looking for him, and, well, even if he doesn't love you, he's still good friends with you. I think I remember him telling me the last time I saw him that you were the Scooby he liked best. Even if he was in love with Buffy, and felt like he was Dawnie's older brother, which would involve him loving her in a certain way, you were the one he liked the best."

Willow was silent the whole way through Angel's speech. When he finished, she surprised him by grinning, which was followed by a slight giggle.

"You know, I actually think this is the most we've ever said to each other. Through the whole time you were with Buffy, we didn't talk that much, but here we are, sitting beside Spike's unconscious body, talking about Spike, and me, and Buffy, having a long conversation. It's nice, in a sort of bad way." Angel smiled, seeing Willow's point.

"You know, I think you are right. Can I ask you a question?" Angel asked. Willow nodded.

"Did I ever thank you for restoring my soul?"

Willow paused, "Um, you don't need to thank me for doing that, really Angel."

"No, I need to. I have to Thank-you for doing that for me. It was one of the best, most considerate things someone has ever done for me. You could have died so easily doing that spell, and you knew it, but you did it anyway."

"Angel, it was nothing." Willow blushed. Angel hesitated, before pulling the witch into a hug. Willow stiffened with surprise, before relaxing.

"Thank-you, Willow. For resouling me, and thank-you for rescuing Spike. I know he isn't my childe, but he's still me responsibility, and, if I found out that he'd died after getting his soul, well, I think Cordy already whines about my brooding enough with out all that extra guilt." Willow sobbed, though she was still smiling.

"You're welcome, Angel."

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Willow sat in silence beside Spike, running her fingers lovingly through his hair. Angel had gone to have a snack, before going to have a short sleep, leaving her alone with the unconscious vampire. Willow looked down at Spike's pale face, gently running her fingers down his cold cheek. She froze when she thought she felt Spike stir beneath her touch.

"Spike?" she whispered softly, hoping that Angel would not hear her. If Spike was really waking up, she wanted to be the only one there.

"Spike, come on, wake up. Open your eyes please Spike. Spike, come on, please wake up," Willow muttered, wincing at how desperate and childish she sounded as she begged him to return to consciousness.

Spike groaned weakly as he shifted beneath Willow's fingers once again. Willow smiled.

"That's it, Spike. It's just me, just Willow. I'm not going to hurt you."

Willow's smile grew as she saw Spike shift his head and crack his eyelid open. She got up and switched her bedroom light off, so she only had her bedside lamp on, before sitting down next to Spike. Spike turned his head to face her, frowning.

"Willow, what the heck? Is this hell?" he asked, his voice hoarse from not being used.

Willow shook her head, "No, Spike, it isn't hell. It's just plain old Sunnydale, which I know can be sort of Hellish, so you aren't all that far off."

"Hang on, I swear I was dead, you know, permanently dead, not just undead." Spike looked confused, and Willow placed a soothing hand on his shoulder.

"I found you last night in your crypt. You were unconscious, and I couldn't wake you up, so I brought you back to my house. You were in a trancelike state."

Spike looked at the bloodied bandage around Willow's wrist.

"You tried to feed me from your wrist?" he murmured. Willow nodded.

"Angel said that it probably didn't do anything to help, but I think it made me feel better, less guilty about what happened, more able to help."

"Peaches is here? Oh joy" Spike sighed. Willow smiled.

"He let you feed from him as well. You know, Sire's blood. Well, not really, because he isn't your sire, but you get the idea. He's having a rest now."

"Did you call him, Red?"

"Yes, I did. I didn't know who else to call. All of the rest of the Scoobies wouldn't have cared."

Spike sighed and avoided Willow's gaze, and Willow froze.

"Oh, Spike, I didn't mean it like that. I'm sure Buffy loves you."

"No, it's alright, pet. I know she doesn't, and frankly, I don't blame her one little bit. After all the things I've done over the years, if she came to stake me, I would hold still and let her."

"Spike! Don't say things like that. Even if you've done some bad things over the years, you've helped make up for that ever since you started helping us fight vampires and demons. You didn't even have a soul at the time, which is more than Angel ever did for us. Beside, look at what I did, and I, supposedly, have a soul. I tried to end the world, for fucks sake." Willow burst into tears and began to rock backwards and forwards. Spike met her eyes, and was shocked at how broken they were. Spike heaved himself more upright so he was more level with Willow, before wrapping a gentle arm slowly around Willow's slender shoulders.

"Do you hear the screams, Spike? In your dreams, when you're awake, they're constantly there, like the air. Constant screaming, begging for his life as I flayed him." Willow broke down in tears, and Spike felt tears running down his cheeks as well. He buried his face in Willows shoulder, as she sobbed into his black t-shirt, as they both cried about the guilt that they constantly carried with them in the forms of the screams of their victims.

Angel silently watched from the doorway as Willow and Spike cried into one another, drawing comfort from one another. He shook his head. Bringing Spike to her home had not been simply an act of Willow saving Spike, but Angel suddenly realised that is was her subconscious way of saving herself. Saving herself from the guilt of what she had done, the grief of loosing Tara, and the darkness that she knew could swoop down and claim her mind, body, and soul at the slightest provocation. It was heartbreaking to see Willow, who had always seemed so strong and courageous, but at the same time innocent, young, and naïve, so broken down and destroyed. Angel felt a surge of anger towards Warren for what he had done to make the broken creature that he now saw, cradled in Spike's arms, crying.

Spike raised his head from Willow's shaking shoulders and looked directly at Angel over the top of Willow's head. Angel nodded his head in acknowledgement of his grand childe, and also in approval of the way Spike was handling the distraught Willow. Spike nodded back and rubbed the back of Willow's head soothingly and gently as he nestled his face in her shoulder so he could hide his own tears from Angel.

From the doorway though, Angel couldn't help but think that Spike was entitled to be crying, and did not need to be embarrassed to have him seeing the obvious, blood red tears, that ran down his face, but Angel understood that Spike was defensive about his emotions, and it was a miracle in itself that he was openly showing his emotions to Willow.

Angel turned away from the pair and walked towards the kitchen to warm up a mug of blood for Spike, wiping his own tears from his eyes as he went.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Willow leant against the headboard of the bed wearily as she sat next to Spike, an arm draped comfortingly over his shoulders. Angel had brought up a mug of blood for Spike, and instructed her to make sure the blonde vampire drank it all, before leaving, saying that he was going to be making a couple of phone calls. Spike sat in silence, holding the mug of blood loosely in his hands. Willow knew, though Spike would never admit to it, that he was brooding. She gently rubbed his back, shifting so her head was resting on Spike's shoulders. Spike jumped a little at the contact, before taking a couple of mouthfuls of blood.

"I missed you, Spike. When you were gone, and after I'd gone evil and, well, tried to end the world, I missed you, and when Buffy and I saw you that night, I was glad you were back, because I thought that maybe you'd know what I was going through, and then when you said you had your soul back I realised how bad you felt, kind of like me. Then you vanished again, and I was so scared that you'd killed yourself or something, and then I wouldn't have anyone to talk to, and there wouldn't be any hope left." Willow took a deep breath. Spike slowly turned his gaze to her, his sad, blue eyes meeting her tear filled green ones. She gave her a weak half smile.

"Don't worry, love," he whispered, "I'm here now."

Willow snuggled closer to the vampire's cold body as he took another couple of mouthfuls of blood, draining the mug. Spike sat still for a few minutes, his thoughts going back to reflecting on the near constant noise that was flooding his brain, the screams of his many victims. Knowing that he was brooding again, Spike pulled himself out of his thoughts, and focused on listening to Willow's heartbeat. Slow, steady, constant. He shifted sideways so he could see her better and put his mug on the bedside table. Willow was breathing deeply and Spike realised she'd fallen asleep with his shoulder as a pillow. He let a small smile cross his face and slowly raised a hand, running it down the soft, pale skin on her cheek, before running his fingers gently through her hair. He knew that he wasn't ready to join Angel in trying to redeem himself by ridding the world of demons, but serving as a cushion for the witch he had fallen in love with all those months ago seemed like a good place to start.

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Angel walked silently back up the stairs, having finally got off the phone from Cordelia, who had been relentless in her perusal of why Angel had fled back to Sunnydale so quickly. He'd told her what he'd told Gunn, that Spike was in trouble, which hadn't been enough for the seer, so he'd finally caved in and told her that Spike had regained his soul, and was coping badly with it, which was the truth, but he didn't tell her that Willow was more involved in his being there then just the phone call. Before he rang Cordelia, however, he had rung Buffy (using his mobile phone so as not to alert her that he was staying in Sunnydale). He had confronted her on why she hadn't called him and told him about Spike, telling her that Willow had mentioned it in an email to Cordelia. Buffy had stammered out an excuse, something along the lines of her not thinking he gave a damn about what Spike was doing. He had angrily told her that wether he and Spike liked or not, they were family, and Angel did, at least to a certain extent, like to keep tabs on his Grand childe, especially were major things, like the regaining of his soul were concerned. Then he had said his goodbyes, and hung up on a slightly gobsmacked Buffy. He knew she would be furious at him the next time he saw her, but he could deal with her, and he had felt the need to confront her about why she'd hidden the truth about Spike from him.

Having made all the phone calls he had planned on making, Angel thought about finding a way to entertain himself. Deciding that he actually couldn't think of anything to do, he had begun to climb up the stairs, planning on asking Willow if there was anything to do for her. Reaching the landing, Angel turned towards Willow's bedroom, but froze in the doorway. Willow was asleep; her head nestled against Spike's shoulder as he gently rubbed her arm, and gazed wordlessly at her. Angel couldn't help but notice the dark rings that hung beneath Willow's eyes, and instantly knew she was having trouble sleeping. He didn't blame her, knowing about the hellish last year or so she'd experienced, going back to Tara's insanity and Buffy dying.

Spike looked up, his ice blue eyes meeting Angel's deep brown ones. The communicated everything with that look, and Angel leant against the doorframe, indicating to Spike that he was listening to him.

"You never said how much it hurts, Angel. I know that I teased you in the past about how much you brood, but, well, I can't stop myself from brooding now. Even when I'm awake, I can hear the screams in my head as I've killed them, as I've drained them. Does it ever stop?"

"It gets better, Spike, and you do get used to the voices. Sometimes you can tune them out, and they'll stay that way, but then something comes up, and you'll be hearing them again. Of course, it's going to be different for you, than it was for me. My soul was a curse; it was right up until Willow gave it back to me. Yours, yours is different. A different spell, a different circumstance. Even if there was someone who had done the same thing as you, would deal with it in a different way. I will help you, I promise. I promise to help you as much as I can, and Willow will help too, and some of the others. It will be okay, Spike. It might not seem it now, but it will get better." Angel spoke softly, so not as to disturb the sleeping Willow. Spike bit down lightly on his bottom lip, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"What happened to Willow, Angel? She said something about trying to end the world, and flaying some guy alive. She was a bit distraught when she said it, I thought I misheard her."

"Well, from what Giles, Buffy, and Willow herself have told me since it happened, Willow kind of lost it for a little but back there while you were gone. I guess you might have figured out by now that Tara, you know, Willow's girlfriend, isn't around at the moment."

Spike nodded, he had noticed it, but something in his gut told him not to mention it. Maybe it was that little bit of Willow's blood he'd drunk.

"Well," Angel continued, "Some guy, named Warren, tried to kill Buffy. Human guy, not a vampire or a demon. Buffy and Xander were on the front lawn when it happened. Buffy was shot, but Willow was able to save her, but Willow and Tara were up in their room, and Tara was standing near the window, and was shot by a couple of stray bullets. She died in Willow's arms. Willow saved Buffy, and then went after Warren. She found him, kidnapped him, tortured him, and then killed him. The Scoobies tried to stop her, but she was deep into dark magic by that point. She defeated Giles and Buffy, and tried to end the world, but Xander was able to stop her, he brought our Willow back. Giles took her to England, to a coven, so she could try and get over it. She came back about three weeks before you appeared back in Sunnydale."

Spike was in shock. Willow had killed someone, and then tired to end the world? Hadn't she learnt by now that it just didn't work, someone always got in the way? Willow had beaten Giles and Buffy? Willow had only been saved when Xander Harris had confronted her? Willow had lost Tara?

Spike thought about how quiet Willow had seemed ever since he had woken up in her bedroom. Even when he had seen her and Buffy out patrolling, he'd noticed something was wrong, but he'd assumed it was just her reaction to seeing him again, which was a reasonable assumption, he had thought. Considering what he had tried to do to Buffy. Obviously, though, he was wrong. Tara was dead; slowly rotting away in a grave in one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries. Regardless of what the rest of the Scoobies thought, he'd always liked the chit, admittedly not as much as Buffy, Dawn and Willow, but definitely more than Giles or Xander. Spike felt something gnawing at him, and realised it was sadness. Oh hell, he was sad the chit had died. How terribly poof like of him.

Spike suddenly realised that his sadness wasn't because Tara had died, although he was a little sad about that, he did have a soul after all, but that Willow had obviously suffered, loosing herself in the grief and rage that she had felt in response to Tara's death, and becoming what she had fought against for so many years.

Turning his head, Spike looked down at the girl who was sleeping against his cold body. He gently kissed the top of her head, brushing a few stray strands of her red hair back from her face,

"I'm so sorry, pet. I know how much the bint meant to you" he whispered, before returning his gaze to Angel.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" he asked in a quiet voice. Angel had a sudden moment of déjà vu, remembering Willow asking him practically the same question while Spike was still unconscious.

"Maybe not right now, but eventually, with help, she might. She won't be the same Willow that you and I both knew ever again, she has taken a life after all, but yes, she should be okay."


	5. Chapter 5

Angel watched over Willow and Spike as they slept, Willow safely wrapped up in the arms of Spike; her head nestled against the blonde vampire's chest. Spike had buried his face into Willow's hair and had been smelling it before he sunk into the oblivion of sleep.

It was obvious that Spike cared deeply for the small redhead, but then, it was near impossible for someone not to care for Willow. Angel cared for her; he had ever since he had first met her, back when Buffy had first arrived in Sunnydale, but he knew, just from watching them, that Spike cared for her on so many more levels than anyone else had ever cared for Willow, with the exception of Tara, as Angel had never really seen how much Tara had cared for Willow. Judging from Willow's reaction to her girlfriend's death, they had cared for each other deeply.

When Spike loved, he did it with everything he had. He always had, even before he had regained his soul. How else could anyone explain Spike staying with Dru for over one hundred years, when he knew that he would never mean as much to her as her beloved 'daddy.' Angel watched the pair sleep, inwardly itching to pick up a pencil and some paper and sketch them. He glanced at Willow's desk, and noticed some paper sitting in her printer tray. He removed the top couple of sheets, then selected a pencil from Willows desk, perching himself in the chair beside Willow's bed. He began to draw, enjoying being able to draw Spike again. It had always been fun to draw the younger vampire, though it was always a challenge to get all of Spike's emotions onto the paper. Angelus had always loved a challenge.

An hour later, his drawing completed, Angel slipped out of the room and into Willow's continuously absent parent's bedroom. He glanced at the covered window, before flopping down on the bed, which was far too hard for his liking, and falling asleep.

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Willow yawned sleepily as she woke up, before she became aware of something cool and hard against her. She froze, before she inhaled. The scent of leather, cigarettes, and whisky filled her nose, and her memory of the last few days came back. She relaxed; grinning at Spike's sleeping form. She watched his face, which was calm, and peaceful. Obviously, his sleep was undisturbed by nightmares. Willow herself had experienced no nightmares either, sleeping well for the first time since, well, God knows when. She became aware that she needed to go to the bathroom, and guiltily slid out of Spike's arms, successfully achieving her goal not to wake the vampire. She went and did what she had to do, before she tip toed down stairs to the kitchen and made some grilled cheese, having not realised how hungry she was. It was mid afternoon, and she decided that she would call Buffy. She was supposed to call anyway, so she could report in and reassure her friend that she was okay.

Buffy was quick to answer the phone, which surprised Willow.

"Buffy?"

"Oh, hey Wills. How are you going?"

"I'm good. What's with the disappointment at hearing me on the phone?" Willow asked, trying not to sound hurt.

"Oh, I'm sorry Wills, I just got a phone call from Angel earlier, and it kind of weirded me out. He knows about Spike having his soul, and he fully flipped at me for not telling him. He said you told Cordelia in an email, and she told him. What was I supposed to do, actually go and tell him in person? Ring him up and tell him what Spike's doing. I'm not a vamp sitter. I have a hellmouth to watch. I didn't even know you and Cordelia emailed. I thought you guys didn't like each other."

"We've always emailed, Buffy, ever since she left to go to LA. We cross referenced demon information, and I kept her informed on what we were all up to. She kind of forgave me for the whole Xander thing. Eventually. She's grown up a heap since she left Sunnydale. Maybe it's part of her being Angel's seer." Willow said, defending her friend.

"I guess so. So, enough about Angel, what have you been up to?"

"Err, watching John Cusack movies mostly, doing some stuff on the computer, nothing too taxing."

"You've been sleeping okay? I know you have nightmares."

"Yes, mom, I have been sleeping. I think being here is helping, because I don't have memories of Tara being here, or sleeping in my bedroom, or anything like that."

"Okay Wills. You sure you're okay?"

"Yes Buffy, I'm fine."

"Alright, I've gotta go. Dawn and I are having a movie marathon ourselves, and somebody's eating all the popcorn."

Willow let out a little laugh, "Okay Buffy, tell Dawnie I say hi"

"Bye Wills."

"Bye Buffy"

Willow put the phone down and sighed. Buffy sounded happy, which was good. A slight noise from the kitchen doorway caused her to jump and spin around.

"Angel, don't do that. Goddess, Xander was right, we need cow bells for you two."

Angel chuckled and walked to Willow's fridge, pulling out two blood bags and pouring them into mugs.

"Is Buffy peeved at me?" he asked. Willow nodded.

"Yeah, kind of, but I think she deserved it. I mean, that night when we saw him he was obviously not coping. I mean, he was babbling away to himself and wasn't making much sense. Buffy commented that Spike had finally gone and followed in his sire's footsteps."

Angel was puzzled, and it obviously showed on his face.

"You know, gone insane, like Dru." Willow told him, and understanding dawned upon Angel's face.

"I'll have to watch for that" he murmured to himself as Willow finished eating and the microwave warmed up the blood. When the microwave dinged, Angel picked up the tow mugs, and carried them upstairs, while Willow cleaned up, before she followed him up the stairs and into her bedroom. Spike and Angel were both drinking by the time she arrived. Spike looked better than he had since before he left Sunnydale. Willow walked over to him and ran her fingers through his hair.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Better than I did. How are you feeling?'

"Better than I did" Willow replied teasingly. She poked out her tongue and Spike growled. Willow laughed and sat back down on the bed beside Spike, leaning against his cool body.

"So, Angel, how's business been in Hell A?" Spike asked. Angel sat on Willow's computer chair.

"Busy enough to keep up with the bills, and to pay for the other's wages."

"I can't believe Cordelia gets paid, and we don't."

"What do you expect; the Watcher's council are notorious tight arses when it comes to money." Spike snorted, and Angle and Willow both laughed.

"Ah ha, you cracked a joke. No more Mr. Broody pants," Willow giggled, "well, except for Angel, of course."

"Hey" Angel protested as Spike started laughing. Willow giggled shyly, and Angel knew he was outnumbered, and being ganged up on.

"Sure, just gang up on me then," he pouted, trying to imitate Willow's puppy dog eyes look, and Willow just rolled her eyes.

"Sorry, Angel, but I invented that look, I'm immune to it."

"And I'm to smart to fall for it Peaches. Besides, no look in the world is going to stop me from taking the only enjoyable thing I have left in the world and stopping me from doing it."

"What?" Willow asked, confused.

"Annoying peaches here, pet." Spike explained.

"What do you mean the last enjoyable thing left in the world for you?" Angel growled.

"Yeah" Willow chimed it.

"Well, I can't feed, and I feel guilty about even thinking about having a good time. Slutty obviously doesn't give a rat's arse about what happens to me, Angels probably just going to leave again, and you're not in boy's town anymore." Spike said. Willow glanced at Angel, her eyes filled with tears as the older vampire got up and crossed the room, climbing onto the bed on Spike's other side.

"Will, listen to me. I won't leave you until you want me to. Buffy isn't worth getting upset over, trust me; I've been down that path before. You can still hunt demons, just like you did when you had the chip." Angel spoke softly and clearly, but there was still a hint on his voice that Willow recognised as Angelus. Obviously, Angel was using the threat of his demon to make sure Spike paid attention. It seemed to be working, but something Spike said was niggling at her.

"Besides, unless Oz had a whole other set of bits that he kept hidden, which I assure you he didn't, I've been in boy's town before, not to mention all the crushes I've had in the past. Xander, Giles, Angel at one point of time, you. I could easily go back there."

Spike choked on the last mouthful of his blood, "you had a crush on Giles? That's just wrong. And Angel? That's even more wrong."

"Hey" Angel protested, though he was personally not surprised about Willow's confession. Still he slid off the bed, taking his cup with him as he sidled out of the room, knowing that neither Spike nor Willow, would notice.

Willow and Spike watched each other for minutes, emerald green eyes melting into deep blue ones. Spike reached up and gently cupped Willow's cheek with is hand. Willow leant her cheek into Spike's cool palm, enjoying the contact.

"Willow" he murmured, sitting up straighter. Willow blinked.

"Spike" she whispered as he leant in, brushing his lips gently, almost shyly against hers. Willow responded, deepening the kiss slowly, showing her acceptance of him.

"Hmm, Willow" he murmured, letting his newfound love for the girl flow through their kiss. He was surprised when he felt Willow reciprocating with her own love of him. He tentatively brushed his tongue against her lips, and Willow opened her mouth, permitting him access. She pulled away a few seconds later, panting for air. Spike grinned. It had been a long time since he'd kissed a human girl like this, and he had forgotten their irritating habit of needing to breath.

"Sorry luv" he whispered, and Willow grinned in reply, gently kissing him again.

"Don't be" she murmured. Spike wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly against his body.

"I love you, Willow. I'm sorry I never saw it before, but I do now, and I love you so much."

"I love you too, Spike. I only realised it when I thought you were dying, or, well, dusting I suppose. I was so scared I was going to loose you like I lost Tara."

"You won't loose me, pet," Spike said soothingly, kissing the top of Willow's head, "I'm not going anywhere".


	6. Chapter 6

Angel sipped his mug of blood slowly as he watched the pair that was perched on the couch together, watching a movie. Spike had his arm draped over Willow, and she was snuggled into his side, a look of contentment on her face. They were both still paler than what they were usually, but Spike had managed to walk unaided down to the lounge room, and Willow had happily bustled around the kitchen making popcorn and mugs of blood for both of her vampire house guests, so Angel figured they were recovering from the incident.

Willow yawned, and Spike pulled her closer to him, so her head was resting on his shoulder as they watched the film. Angel hadn't seen the film before, but he found it funny, and it was a good excuse to be near Spike and Willow.

They both had changed so much since he had last seen them, other than Buffy's funeral. For Willow, it had been the Thanksgiving just after she started college. For Spike, it had been when the bleached blonde vampire had gone to LA seeking out the Gem of Amara.

They both had been beaten down and victimised by the Scoobies because of what they were. What made them them. Spike, because he was a vampire, and Willow, because she was a witch who'd had no training or support when she was learning the craft, and had therefore predictably gone off the deep end. They both were drowning in their own guilt, and Angel was the one who held the life buoys, ready to cast them out to his two friends, and haul them to safety.

Angel's own guilt was intense, and he knew that at least partially, all this was his fault. With Spike, because Angel had been the one who had taught the freshly turned vampire the art forms that was killing and torture, and with Willow, because the reattachment of Angel's soul had been her first piece of magic, the first time that she had touched the power within her that had previously lain dormant.

Now, they were both suffering, and Angel felt their pain keenly. In his heart, unbeating as it was, Angel knew that neither witch, nor souled vampire would ever fully recover on the hellmouth, were darkness seeped into your very bones, especially when there were reminder's everywhere of what Spike had once been, and for Willow, of what she had lost.

In LA, Angel knew that the pair stood a fighting chance, especially if they were together, and were allowed to do whatever they wanted together, without the stigma that a romance between the two would undoubtedly raise if they tried it in Sunnydale. Willow and Cordelia were friends, and she and Fred had really hit it off the last time they'd seen each other. Angel had a feeling that Gunn and Spike would become drinking buddies, and would find a friendship with one another, and Spike would find a friend in Wesley due to their shared country of origin, and would be able to have long conversations about the things that only English people could possibly understand, like Soccer and cricket (Angel doubted that Giles and Spike had ever stayed up late watching Manchester United play Liverpool or something. The very idea was laughable.)

They could both settle down well in LA, and it would get them away from the Hellmouth. Spike could still go out and kill things, and Willow could become net girl again, if she so desired, and help Wesley out in the magic department, once she'd regained the confidence in her powers and her control she had lost.

"Peaches, if you're going to spend the whole night gawking at us, you may as well sit down while you're doing it" Spike said from the couch. Willow tried to hide her smile at the comment, but Angel saw her grin. He sat down in an arm chair and rolled his eyes at Spike.

Of course, that was one downside to having Spike living underneath his roof, but, Angel figured that as long as his grandchilde and the red haired witch he owed his soul to were happy, he could live with the teasing and banter.

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Willow sat alone in the lounge room of her house, holding a book loosely in her hand. It wasn't a research book, but rather a Jane Austen romance. She wasn't sure what had caused it, but when she'd woken up, she'd had a distinct desire for some Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett action.

Both of the Vampires were still asleep upstairs, having apparently stayed up long into the night. Willow had fallen asleep next to Spike on the couch while they watched a movie, and had woken up in her own bed, the blonde vampire sleeping soundly beside her, obviously having been carried up to her bed by someone (Willow was betting Angel, because although Spike was covering, she figured that he would struggle carrying her up the stairs.)

The phone rang in the background and Willow quickly moved to answer it, before it woke either of the sleeping vampires. She wasn't sure how long they'd been sleeping, and she didn't know how much a cranky Angel could handle of Spike all day long without snapping and staking the younger vampire, soul or not.

"Hello?"

"Willow, how's it going?"

"Hey Xander, I'm at home, reading about Mr Darcy yummyness. How's work?"

"Fine thanks Willow. You up for a research party tonight?"

.

"What are we researching?"

"Some demon Buffy spotted on Patrol. She was able to kill it, but we're just making sure that we shouldn't be expecting more of them."

"Sorry Xander, I've got something on. By the way, have you seen Spike lately?"

"Thankfully not. Haven't seen him in ages. Maybe he's left town, or killed himself, although we can't get our hopes up, can we?"

"No, I guess not. Bye Xander." Willow sighed sadly.

"See ya Willow." Xander replied. Willow hung up and put the phone down, a frown spread across her face. She knew that Xander had never liked Spike, but the way that Xander treated Spike, with such contempt and loathing, just because of what Spike had done in the past, hurt her, especially because, theoretically, she had almost done so much worse than Spike when she'd tried to end the world. Spike had never done that. He'd even actively helped Buffy stop it from happening when Angelus had tried to do it, and that was before he was even chipped. Going by that theory Xander should hate her, but he still rang her and worried about her, and cared about her, and loved her in a best friends slash brother-sister kind of way.

Willow still cared about Xander, and he was still her best friend, but sometimes his blatant, one eyed view of the world being black and white was very annoying.

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Willow had returned to her book by the time Angel emerged from her parent's room, stretching his back sleepily, although the redness to her eyes, and the lingering salty scent of tears in the air told Angel that the red haired witch had only recently stopped crying.

"Willow, what's wrong?" he asked.

Willow looked up from her book, startling. She hadn't realised the older vampire had been watching her.

"Oh, I was talking to Xander this morning. He doesn't care about Spike, despite everything he's done for the group. It makes me wonder how much he cares about me, when, you know, I almost did a lot worse than Spike ever has." Willow's voice caught as she spoke, her eyes filling with tears again. Angel was at her side in a moment, his arms carefully around her.

"Willow, I haven't seen Xander since when Buffy died, but I know that he will never stop caring about you, no matter what you do, or what he does, you'll always be one of the ones that he cares the most about." Angel counselled.

"How do you know that, Angel?"

"Back when I was Angelus, and I was watching you guys, I figured out the best way to hurt all of you. With Buffy, it was by hurting or killing any of you. With Giles, it was Killing Jenny, with Xander; it would have been hurting or killing you. Not Buffy, and him loosing Cordy would definitely have hurt him, but not the most. You two share a bond. You grew up together, almost brother and sister, best friends, and nothing can break that bond, not even what happened. Loosing you to me, wether it is by me turning you, or torturing you, or killing you, would have destroyed him at that point of his life. Even now, he might not get over it. Besides, I've always known that Xander would always hate anyone who was a vampire, soul or not, chip or not, except perhaps you."

"Why?"

"Because of what he went through with Jesse. He had to stake one of his best friends after only knowing about the paranormal for only a couple of days. In Xander's head, he killed his best friend. Back then, Xander didn't understand the concept of the person being gone, and the demon being there in its place." Angel slowly explained. Willow nodded slowly.

"Not to mention, he hated me on a personal level because I had Buffy." Angel added as an afterthought, and Willow snorted.

"He was a teenaged boy, what do you expect?"

Willow pulled out of the hug and settled back down on the couch, picking up her book again as Angel chuckled at her comment.

"I'll let you go get your breakfast."

Angel nodded and got his mug of blood. Drinking it in the kitchen, before rejoining Willow in the lounge room. Loud, clumping footsteps from Willow's bedroom indicated that Spike had woken up, and they both watched as Spike cautiously went down the stairs.

"Morning Spike." Willow greeted cheerfully.

"Morning Red, Peaches" Spike greeted, flopping down on the couch beside Willow. Angel studied them for a moment, before speaking.

"I've been thinking lately…" Angel began.

"This isn't good. Peaches thinking, it never turns out well," Spike stage whispered to Willow, who lightly elbowed him in the ribs, grinning.

"You both are going through…things at the moment. Big things, and I just want you two to know that, if you need it, there's always going to be a place for you two at the Hyperion, if you need to get away from Sunnydale."

Spike and Willow were silent. Willow had been expecting the invitation, but for Spike, it came completely out of the blue.

"Aren't you worried that I'm going to get in the road?" he asked, and Angel fought the urge to roll his eyes. Regaining his soul had made many of Spike's insecurities show through painfully, even though the budding relationship between him and Willow had certainly helped the bleached blonde vampire.

"I'm kind of hoping that you'll be helping out. I mean, even though you have a soul, you can still kill demons."

"Won't that be like stealing your thunder? I mean, that's your job Angel, not mine."

"We could always use the help, and having a extra, good fighter is going t help keep the others safe, then It will be fine, I don't mind you stealing my thunder a bit." Angel explained.

'What about Red? I want to stay with her."

"Willow can help out too. Wes is good with magic, so they can back each other up, and Cordy and Fred are always going on about how they need another girl to spend time with, and Willow's better with computers than any of us, so that's got to make researching easier."

"Thanks Angel" Willow smiled shyly. Spike wrapped an arm around her comfortingly.

"It was just a suggestion; I'll leave you two to think about it. There's no rush at all" Angel got up, and walked back upstairs, leaving the couple sitting on the couch, both of them overwhelmed by their thoughts.

Spike pulled Willow closer to him, breathing in her scent, which was rich with magic, flowers, and a certain spice that Spike could never identify.

"What do you want to do?' She asked him quietly. Spike smiled. It was pure Willow, putting his happiness before her own.

"I want to go wherever it is you are, Willow. I can't face this…my soul, without you. You remind me that there's still good in the world, despite everything that I did, everything that I destroyed."

"Spike, you can do this, I know you can. I love you, every part of you. The vampire, the demon, the soul. I love it all. The fact that you started killing and hunting demons and vampires before you got your soul back is amazing. I was proud to call you my friend, you were so brave. You were the only one that understood what I was going through when Oz left, and you looked out for me when I was using, even when you had every right to hate me after everything I did to Buffy and Dawn. I love you so much, Spike, I realise that now, and I don't want to loose you like I lost Tara. I thought I lost you, when you were unconscious, and I didn't what to think about what would happen then. Wherever you are, Spike, I'm happy."

Spike leaned his head back against the couch and rolled it sideways so he could look at Willow, who leant back against his chest and looked u at hi, her green eyes glistening with unshed tears. Spike tilted his head down and tenderly brushed his lips against hers.

"We're both suffering here," he murmured, "Soul or not, the others are never going to really accept me as one of the group, and the hellmouth's darkness can't be helping you stay away from dark magic."

Willow nodded, "it calls, constantly. Whenever I've risked opening up to the goddess, like I was told to at the coven, I can feel the hellmouth calling to me, luring me into the darkness. Buffy and Xander, they're not going to treat me the same ever again. They're scared of me, as they should be. They shouldn't have to live with the object of their fear living under the same roof as them."

Spike sighed, and kissed Willow lovingly, "Will it be better in LA?" he asked. Willow bilked.

"We can only hope, for both of our sakes, because I don't know where else we could go." She said. Spike nodded in agreement.

"So, we go to LA with Angel?" he asked, seeking confirmation. Willow nodded.

"We go to LA." She confirmed

BtVS BtVS BtVS BtVS BtVS

The week that followed kept Spike and Willow busy as they packed up their lives in Sunnydale. Spike, still recovering from his starvation, left most of the heavy lifting of boxes to Angel, who had stayed in town to help support the newest residents of the Hyperion. Willow rang Buffy, and told her the truth, that she and Spike were leaving Sunnydale and going to live with Angel in LA. Buffy had argued and protested, trying to persuade willow to stay. Xander had argued more, pleading with Willow not to go with the brood brothers, but she had sadly smiled and shaken her head.

The entire Scooby gang showed up the evening that Willow and Spike were set to leave. They all stood clustered around the sidewalk outside Willow's house as the last of the boxes were packed into Angel and Spike's cars. Xander glared stonily at Angel as Willow and Buffy hugged. Dawn had her arms wrapped around Spike, and had her head buried into his shoulder.

"Willow, I want you to know that you can always come back, alright? No matter what happens."

"I know, Buffy," Willow nodded, "And I'll stay in touch."

"You better, Willow." Buffy said, pulling back a little, a smile on her face. Willow blinked back tears. It looked like Buffy had accepted her choice, and was willing to let Willow go. The blonde slayer stepped back and Xander stepped forward.

"I'm going to miss you, Willow" he softly said. Willow hugged her oldest friend tightly.

"I'm going to miss you too, Xander." She whispered tearfully.

"You don't have to go, you know. You can always stay here." Xander said hopefully. Willow smiled and shook her head.

"No, Xander, I need to go, get out of town. I've been here for a long time now; it's time for something different."

"You'll stay in touch?" Xander asked, echoing Buffy. Willow nodded, a grin on her face.

"Are you kidding, I'm going to be living with Cordelia. Give me under a week and I'll be ringing you asking if we can reform the 'we-hate-Cordelia-Chase-club.'" Willow joked.

Xander and Willow both laughed at the comment, and Xander wiped his tears from his eyes.

"It's going to be okay, Xander." Willow reassured, hugging her best friend tightly. Xander snorted.

"You're the one that's been going through all the bad stuff lately, and yet you're still the one reassuring me, not the other way around."

Willow shrugged, before pulling out of the hug.

"See you, Xander."

"Bye Willow."

Willow stepped back a bit, before being approached by Dawn, "Look after yourself, Dawnie, and Keep and eye on Buffy and Xander, alright?" Willow said. Dawn nodded, before jumping up and hugging Willow.

"I'll miss you Willow. Have fun in L.A., and make sure you send lots of emails, and ring heaps. I want to know what's going on with you and Spike." Dawn wriggled her eyebrows slightly, and Willow blushed.

"Dawn," she protested, as the teenager laughed.

"Take care of yourself, Willow."

"Hey, Dawnie, can I ask a favour?" Willow hesitantly asked. Dawn nodded enthusiastically.

"You don't have to do it every day, just once a week or something, if it's safe, and you're not too busy, but, can you just go and visit Tara? Maybe put some flowers on her grave, talk to her, tell her what's been going on. You know…"

Dawn nodded, tears leaking into her eyes and down her cheeks, and hugged Willow again.

"I promise I'll take care of her."

"Thanks Dawn" Willow smiled, feeling like a load had been lifted off her chest, now that she knew that Tara's grave was going to be looked after.

Not far away, Buffy and Spike were saying their farewells. It looked awkward, and there was a thinly veiled animosity in Buffy's eyes that had Willow nervous. Obviously, Angel felt the same, because he cleared his throat.

"It's time to go," he softly said. Willow moved to the passenger's side of Spikes car, as the blonde vampire said goodbye to the one who his entire being had once revolved around, and walked to the driver's side door of his car. Angel walked to his car, which was parked in front of Spike's, and was about to get into it when he heard footsteps approaching. Looking up, he was surprised to see that Buffy and Xander had followed him.

"Dead boy, you look after Willow…look after both of them, alright. If anything happens to them, it'll be your fault; I will be using your dust as fertiliser on my garden." Xander said.

"We mean it, Angel, Willow gets hurt, or dies, or whatever, and you will have one very unhappy slayer knocking on your hotel door. Same goes for Spike, because if something happened to him, then it would be hurting Willow." Buffy added.

Angel nodded, "I'll look after them both, I swear."

"Good," Xander said, moving back to Spike's car. Buffy looked up at Angel.

"Bye Angel."

"Tell Dawn if she wants to come up and visit Spike and Willow, she can." Angel said, and Buffy smiled, nodding.

"I think she'll like that."

"Bye Buffy."

Buffy waved once, and then followed Xander away from Angel's car. The two cars rumbled into life and Angel's was the first to pull out, with Spike's close be hind. The remaining Scoobies waved as the cars drove down the street, and they could see Willow waving from Spikes car, the biggest smile on her face they had seen since Buffy's death.

"She'll be happy there." Xander softly said, comforting himself, and the two Summers girls. Buffy and Dawn nodded in agreement as the two cars turned the corner and disappeared from sight. Xander slung an arm over Buffy's shoulder, and the other over Dawns shoulder, and the three made their way back to Buffy's house.

BtVS BtVS BtVS BtVS BtVS

Willow and Spike watched the back of Angel's car as he led them out of Sunnydale, heading towards the highway that would take them to L.A. A thoughtful look crossed Spikes Face as they dove past the 'Welcome to Sunnydale sign.'

"Hang on, Red, I forgot something." He told her. Willow was still grinning happily.

"What?" she asked. Spike glanced meaningfully at the sign. Willow caught the glance, and sighed dramatically.

"It's a tradition." Spike protested as he did a U turn and lined the sign up. Willow grinned.

"Traditions should be upheld, even though I always thought you did it coming back into Sunnydale, not when you were leaving."

Spike shrugged, gunning the motor, and planting his foot on the accelerator. The car sped forward, jumping curb and flattening the sign with a very satisfying bang. Spike and Willow sat in silence for a moment, before they both cracked up.

"That is fun," Willow commented, and Spike nodded, backing the car up, tuning around, and pointing his car back towards the highway. He spotted Angel's car, pulled over on the side of the road, obviously waiting for them to catch up. Angel pulled out in front of Spike's car again, and the two cars sped off into the night.


End file.
